She's here by popular demand...
I don't know if it's because she may possibly be my last child or because I placed such a high intention of her birth (due to my miscarriage), but this by far was one of my longest pregnancy journey's ever. I spent 9 long months anticipating her arrival, anxious to make sure she was healthy, and that I was ready to receive her love already having 2 daughters. With that being said, once I had reached nine months and she was not here, some of the same fears I faced when I lost a child begin to come knocking at my door.
I knew I had to be purposeful in creating the village around me that would keep my head afloat when I couldn't feel my own two feet on the ground. One of those prominent people were my obgyn, different from my previous ob's, she actually looked like me and spoke my same language. I had realized up to this point that some of the providers I had before begin to sound like pamphlets in the front office. There was no real connections being made, and I knew that because my emotional stability was important this time around more than ever I needed someone who could support more than just my vaginal health. She reassured me at every visit that Kaiza felt safe and was harvesting beautifully in my womb. So when my due date had came and went, she would continue to check in on the goals I set for myself and Kaiza by encouraging me to stay true to not getting induced, allowing her to come freely and naturally. She also understood my need to listen and connect to my body. So instead of rushing to have a baby, she reminded me that my cocoon was so magically wrapped that Kaiza couldn't imagine being anywhere else. This offered me a more enlightening perspective, and it was perspectives like those that my husband, my mother, as well as other sacred family and friends continued to echo that kept me aligned, and have the ability to breathe through it all.
Two weeks before Kaiza arrived I begin dilating, sitting at 2cm for one week, and idle at 4/5cm for the last week. At that point I was sure she would be here because my cervix was over half way thin and the immense amount of pelvic pressure caused me to have to take off work. But naw, instead she stayed head down, sitting there like a true Pisces, moving at her very own speed. My husband and I begin to find ways to walk, have sex as much as possible, strip my membranes (natural induction method performed), and any other natural methods that were being advised. There was still nothing.
So at my very last Dr visit, she set an appointment for induction that would include my water being broke, just to place me on my ob's schedule and remove any safety concerns. I was so conflicted by it. Of course the goal was for her to be born as healthy as possible, but induction didn't sit well with me. I wrestled that night with feelings around the pros and cons of induction including me having a natural labor and enduring more pain. Although I knew I could still have her naturally, the longer the hospital stay the increase of me wanting help with pain maintenance using medication. I went online researching everything to know about induction which didn't ease any of my worry, but I decided I would just go with it and do what was needed. I should note that I am not a super anti-medication person, as each woman has a right to how she see's fit to have a baby. But because I birthed my other daughters naturally, and seeing it's benefits firsthand, for me, I wanted to do the same with Kaiza.
March 13, 2018
I woke up numerous times that night with contractions that felt different from all the others. I knew today would be our day, and forewarned my husband that we may need to begin our birth plan. I'm not big on plans, but with having 2 other young children I had to set things up so that my oldest could be apart of the experience, as she had asked to be in the delivery room. As well as making sure my youngest would spend time with her god-moms until her sister would be born. So we continue to move forward through the morning. My husband took my oldest daughter to school thinking today would be like all others, and I kept Karter home as I begin going into labor. My contractions begin to get closer, and when my husband came back from drop off, I informed him to make calls so we could head to the hospital. I tried to labor as much at home because it's a place I feel most comfortable and supported. Once I begin to contract 7 minutes apart, we headed to the hospital.
We arrived around 9:36a, once I was checked in and placed in a labor room it was 10a. At this point I was 6cm dilated, 100% effaced, and in active labor. I asked my RN if I could get the Dr to approve to not monitor baby electronically, as she had maintained her heart rate, and I wanted to physically move around. She approved and I immediately got on a medicine ball, focused on breathing all while my husband and mother tagged teamed rotating my hips to help with contractions and loosening my pelvis. I was given an option of an epidural as well as other lower level pain medications and denied them all. I told myself when they were offered to think of my ancestors who had little assistance, no medication, and often used ques from their body to bring life on earth. After about a hour of active laboring on the ball, I immediately stood up and my water broke, I heard a pop sound, and saw a gush of water splash on the floor. I remember looking up at my daughter Kennedy who looked astonished by all the grunting and pain her mother was going through, thinking to myself she will never forget this. She would gently come rub my arm or head and tell me I could do it or I stated I was strong. It gave me constant courage to keep pushing.
By 11:20a I had asked to begin pushing, really trying to connect to my body, listening to it's ques. My husband was to my left, rooting me on by saying things like "you are amazing, focus on your breathing, and to realize that I was enough to bring our new child onto earth." I starred into his eyes, and was overwhelmed with a feeling of satisfaction because in that very moment I had everything I had ever wished for in life. My mother and daughter at the bottom of me: fist bumping in the air. The feeling of love and completeness was my biggest pain reliver.
5 sets of contractions, breathing in and pushing out 3 times each....and boom. At 12:02p she took her first breathe. My older daughter ambushed with tears, husband with a huge smile, and my own mother still feeling proud that I am hers. Kaiza Alexa was welcomed earth side. They instantly gave her to me for skin to skin contact for over a hour. Her first notion when laying on my chest was to look for my breast (she begin rooting right out the womb), and I immediately started to breastfeed. An over amount of gratitude with a hint of Kanye, like I can do all amazing things. I will admit I was feeling myself. For I set a goal, and accomplished it.
I am beyond blessed for this new little daughter in my life. I didn't know I had more room to love anyone else. My house is full of love as we welcomed her home the very next day. If I could leave any of my blog readers with truths or words of encouragement: it is that when facing any challenge, remember your expected outcome. Ask yourself what would be my ultimate goal? Then tell yourself out loud, numerous times you can do it, and then close your eyes and envision it. For we are a manifestation of our wildest dreams, and the authors of our own books.